Sesuatu telah berlaku semalam, yang buat saya umpama terjaga dari mimpi ngeri. A wake up call! Kata orang putih. Bagai seorang pengembara sesat, gigih saya mencari arah. Disappoinment, despair, frustration, all mixed - thanks to a friend who has always lent her ears to me. Listening to my every luahan perasaan.
What is the point here? Me, merintih begitu. Yes - it is something I rarely do in the open. Usually I do it quietly, because I have never been allowed to say it aloud. I am not used to merintih begini. But sometimes I have to admit the 'power' of throwing everything out in the open.
Throwing back... how did I actually decide to write novel? If I could safely say... it is the second thing that I did that is beyond my sound mind. Oh, perhaps, three. I supposed this what happens when one keeps following what one is told to do. Finally all those desires just erupted like volcano vomitting its hot lava and volcanic ash in the air. Erupted, without warning. Mercilesly.
Actually, I am too ashamed and too proud to admit that all my life, I had always played it safe. Because of her, I played it safe. I was too afraid to venture a little bit from my path. I stayed in my 'comfort zone' which was not comforting at all. For a long time, many many years. And it is aching inside. And it aches even more when I looked back. And that is my BIGGEST regret. Regrets that made me did this weird, life changing decision.
Firstly when I decided to quit my job and left the comfort zone. From the comfort of my banking job in the heart of KL - things that I know most and do best - and moved far away from Kuala Lumpur. Everyone was puzzled. EVERYONE. Including myself.
Secondly, when I decided to leave my banking job and decided to stay at home (for awhile) and then decided to write novel. Leaving my banking job meaning leaving the high flying lifestyles that I have always enjoyed - Good money. Good life style.
And now, it is all about writing. No money and no life style. Writing - a long, tiring and frustrating process, from writing and having the book published and finally the process of getting the book sold. Only the fittest will survive in this strange and cruel world of writing, because you are at the mercy of somebody else. You don't drive. There goes why I love banking- I like it that I can drive.
BIG question, why am I still doing it?
I will continue in part 2 - Writing Without Regrets.
Tunggu jika sudi untuk membaca.